February 7, 2013

Project Me

For so long my projects have all centered around my house. Paint, plaster, décor, and a bargain… The last few months, my projects turned inward and I have been mainly working on me.

Facing fears, finding words, figuring out who I am, and learning… Ya ‘growing’ is the annoying word for it, but genuinely, it all boils down to that… when you go through hard stuff, you grow.
I’m bigger, wiser, happier, and becoming more whole.

Anyone who has never had to experience feeling incomplete is lucky on one hand… it’s a painful place to be, but anyone who has had to experience feeling incomplete, and got to learn from it; becoming more whole… well, that person is the most lucky.

That perspective is like money in the bank, money that doesn’t diminish, cause you get to benefit from it again and again, creating new and better perspective.

I’m not kidding when I say my projects have turned inward. I literally have left my tools feeling extremely neglected. I’m spending a lot of time writing. Finding words for all the stuff I’m feeling, and finding a whole new hobby in getting to know myself and growing. Ya, the older I get the more corny I sound.
* So...
People become our teachers. They don’t sign up for the job, or want it, but when we are in a position of needing to “fix” ourselves, we soon find teachers. Some of those teachers are the people we know to totally avoid. That IS one form of teacher. Others become the teachers that keep us having light bulbs turn on… Who don’t mean to be the catalyst for so much growth, but they somehow are. Finding these teachers is a fun side-benefit of the growing/becoming more whole process.

There are plenty of painful people out there that will teach you important lessons. Do your best to learn from them and move on… Don’t look for the painful teachers, Look for the ones who make you think and feel all the amazing stuff… They bring you clarity; they pick you up and set you on a sloping hill with a view of the valley… they offer up a metaphorical picnic among long grass and blue skies. You don’t even have to walk there. They deliver you with such ease… you’re just meant to eat and enjoy the view. When you finish you find you are no longer the same.

Back to the realization of needing to “fix” ourselves… I think many of us reach the point of needing it, and not knowing it. So it literally is a Realization. When we finally have the ability to stand back and say ‘I’m not ok, I’m needing change, I’m finding this place in life hurts more than it makes me happy… what now?”  …then you will grow.

The ‘what now’ is: acknowledge. You just Realized, now Acknowledge. Listen to yourself, feel that stuff you are hearing…and just listen. There is so much we have to learn about ourselves, we’re terribly complicated, and if you allow yourself to listen and acknowledge to what is happening inside, you make yourself ready to fly.
Flying is what you will do at this point because that is the result of realizing and acknowledging. Real growth comes from doing those two things, and if up until this point in your life, you haven’t done them, and you finally do them… the growing is so fast I call it Flying.

There are a few keys to Realize > Acknowledge > Fly
Some of them are:
I’ll explain in that order.

A friend shared a saying on fb today: “Words cast spells, that’s why it’s called spelling”.
This resonated with me because I’ve had to learn the importance of putting words to feelings. All my feelings just live out there…largely NOT understood, but once I acknowledge them, and I give them words, they can finally make sense to me. And making sense is vital, as I’m sure we would all agree.

Selfishness is not what we always thought it was. In order to fly, you have to be willing to look at yourself, ask yourself questions, want to grow yourself, and everything you can think of with yourself…. Cause who will be the better person after all this?
You… that’s right, just you, so you have to be selfish. Although anything we normally add “ish” to at the end, we imply there is only going to be a little of whatever it is… “ish”, just a little…
No, "ish" isn’t enough… you can’t be only Selfish, you have to be Selfull!
Concentrate on you. Be an amazing you. Be as selfull as you can be, and you will see what happens to your relationship with life. You become the least selfish you’ve ever been (in the traditional sense of the word).

Then Tears. I saw a documentary years ago… they tested tears from people who were crying for different reasons, the chemical make up of the tears changed depending on what was cried over. I think its possible tears are more than we realize. I feel this because I have started to allow tears to flow when they want to. (In private anyway) and what I’ve learned, is that they are a healthy part of feeling… when I feel things, tears arrive, sometimes because of beauty, sometimes because of sorrow, sometimes because of laughter. I’ve let them fall, and they seem to be a healer…. Interestingly, salt is a healer, so for tears to be salty, and for them to heal, I can’t help wondering if there is a connection.
All I know is they are important. So go ahead and cry. It’s needed, it’s not weak.

All this, all the growing is only as heavy as you decide to make it…
Something to remember is that resisting is like insisting you want something to be hard or scary.
Not resisting gives you the opportunity to learn how easy, little, possible, and accomplishable things really are.

Which brings me right back to facing fears… Looks like this could go in circles of me just saying the same thing again and again, so I’ll just finally shut up and say:

I wish you everything good… growing and moving forward in happiness is something some of us have to learn. I hope if you too have to learn it, you get to fly through it.
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